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1. HOW TO STRENTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE AND AVOID DIVORCE

HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE AND AVOID DIVORCE

Marriage requires dedication and isn’t always smooth sailing. Sustaining, nurturing, and strengthening the bond takes intentional effort. With busy work schedules, parenting responsibilities, and other commitments, keeping the partnership strong can sometimes feel overwhelming. When challenges surface, some couples choose to part ways through divorce, while others decide that investing in repairing and improving the relationship is the better path. Below find ten ways we recommend for working on your relationship:

1. Stay Committed to Your Marriage

During difficult seasons, it’s common to wonder if life might be better elsewhere. However, even silently entertaining the thought of leaving can create significant strain on your marriage. Dwelling on what life could look like outside the relationship often weakens commitment and reduces the drive to work on improving things. To safeguard your marriage, make a firm decision early on that divorce is not an option. This mindset helps channel your energy into strengthening your bond rather than imagining a life apart. (NB. While commitment is important, divorce is still an option where physical and emotional abuse is repeated, otherwise you could lose your life in the name of commitment).

1. Be ready to Forgive

Marriages can start to unravel when one partner clings to resentment. Studies show that harboring contempt often festers over time and, if left unresolved, can eventually lead to divorce. According to clinical and educational psychologist Aura De Los Santos, forgiveness is both vital and challenging for couples. It allows partners to shift their focus toward the future instead of remaining trapped in past hurts. Make it a habit to forgive your spouse as soon as possible. Forgiveness benefits you as much as your partner, freeing up emotional and mental energy while reducing stress and protecting your health. If you’ve hurt your partner, also offer a sincere apology and ask for forgiveness. Listen attentively to their concerns, strive to understand their feelings, and commit to making positive changes in your future actions.

1. Honor and Value Your Spouse

Change is a natural part of life, and embracing your partner’s growth is essential for a healthy relationship. One way to do this is by listing your spouse’s best qualities to remind yourself of the reasons you fell in love with them. Acknowledging and appreciating their unique traits—quirks included—helps keep your admiration alive.

 

Express your gratitude daily through compliments, thank-yous, or small gestures. Think of these as deposits into your marriage’s emotional bank account—regular contributions ensure the relationship stays strong when challenges arise. Always aim to honor your partner for who they are.

1. Make Communication a Priority

With modern distractions like smartphones, streaming services, and busy work-from-home schedules, it’s easy for meaningful conversations to slip away. Yet, consistent communication is key to avoiding misunderstandings and preventing resentment. Share openly about your feelings, dreams, challenges, and everyday experiences—and give your partner the same chance to be heard. Setting aside at least 30 minutes each day without distractions can help you connect, strengthen intimacy, and ensure both partners feel valued and understood.

1. Discuss Financial Goals and Boundaries

Money is a common source of conflict in marriage, often because partners bring different expectations and habits into the relationship. Reaching an agreement on budgeting, debt management, and living within your means is essential for long-term harmony (Ryu & Fan, 2023). Clarify the difference between needs and wants, and ensure your spending plan reflects both financial responsibility and enjoyment. Leave some flexibility for fun activities, gifts, or trips that strengthen your bond.

1. Allow Each Other Personal Space

Balancing time together and apart can be challenging. Too much togetherness can feel suffocating, while too little can leave a partner feeling neglected. Respect each other’s need for space—whether it’s a solo outing or a night with friends—and help make it possible. At the same time, be intentional about spending meaningful time together, even if that means planning affordable at-home date nights when childcare or finances are tight.

1. Prioritize Wellness

Over time, it’s easy to slip into a routine of being overly casual. Rekindle the romance by putting in the same effort you did during early dating—grooming, dressing up, and taking care of your health. Staying active not only boosts your confidence but also offers opportunities to bond, whether you’re working out together, training for an event, or preparing healthy meals side-by-side.

 

1. Keep Dating Alive

Sustaining the spark requires intentionally courting your spouse. Schedule regular date nights, whether it’s a fancy dinner, a walk in the park, or making a new recipe together. Quality time helps prevent monotony, deepens understanding, and increases enjoyment in the relationship (Flood & Genadek, 2016). If budgets are tight, swap babysitting with friends or find creative, low-cost activities. Keep romance alive with small gestures like love notes, morning coffee, or picking up your partner’s favorite treat—reminding them they’re still your priority.

1. Avoid Controlling Behaviors

In a healthy marriage, both partners respect each other’s individuality and avoid insisting on having things their own way. While this can look different for every couple, the basics remain the same:

* Don’t monitor or try to control your spouse’s actions

* Allow them space to be themselves

* Work together on major decisions, such as finances and parenting

* Give them the freedom to come and go without seeking your permission

When one partner tries to control the other, it can lead to emotional harm and even cross into financial abuse—both of which often push relationships toward divorce.

1. Seek Professional Support

If your marriage is facing ongoing struggles or you’re concerned that divorce may be approaching, consider seeking counseling or couple’s therapy. These services can help you address underlying issues, improve communication, and develop skills to strengthen your relationship. According to De Los Santos, meeting with a psychologist can assist couples in resolving conflicts, deepening their understanding of one another, and setting fresh goals for their marriage. If you’re unsure where to start, your primary care provider can refer you to a qualified professional. You might also explore resources through your workplace, such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which can provide initial guidance or referrals. For couples who share a faith, meeting with a trusted religious leader can also be a valuable option.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist|Marriage and Family Therapist

Court Annexed Mediator

 

References

Bloch L, Haase CM, Levenson RW (2014). Emotion regulation predicts marital satisfaction: more than a wives' tale. Emotion. 2014;14(1):130-44. doi:10.1037/a0034272

Flood SM, Genadek KR (2016). Time for each other: Work and family constraints among couples. J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255

Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N. (2016). The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting. Psychotherapy (Chic). 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098

Ryu S, Fan L. (2023). The relationship between financial worries and psychological distress among U.S. adults. J Fam Econ Issues. 2023;44(1):16-33. doi:10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9

Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ (2013). Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education. Couple Family Psychol. 2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025