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1. TIPS TO HELP YOU COPE WITH GRIEF OF LOSING A LOVED ONE

TIPS TO HELP YOU COPE WITH GRIEF OF LOSING A LOVED ONE

Losing a loved one is a profound and life-altering experience, no matter your age or whether it was anticipated or sudden. It can leave you feeling heartbroken, disoriented, and even emotionally numb. Grief has no fixed timetable. It can surface at unexpected moments—tears in the supermarket when you see their favorite snack, anger in a traffic jam because they’re no longer here, or an aching joy when their laugh comes to mind. These waves can return years later, long after you thought you’d “moved on.”

The loss is not only emotional but also practical, spiritual, and deeply physical. There’s the silence where daily calls used to be, and the empty chair at milestones you wish they could witness. For those whose relationships with a parent were strained or complicated, grief may bring additional layers—guilt, relief, or a flood of unanswered questions. Whether your loss is fresh, or it’s been many years, your grief is valid. These reflections aim to help you understand why this kind of loss cuts so deeply, why it often carries so many intertwined emotions, and how you can care for yourself in small, gentle ways along the way.

Common feelings after the loss of a parent

After losing a parent, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions, including:

• Shock and disbelief: Even if you knew it was coming, the reality can still feel unreal.
• Sadness and longing: An intense desire for more time or deeper connection.
• Guilt and regret: Over things said, unsaid, or left unfinished.
• Anger: Directed at them, yourself, others, or simply at the unfairness of the loss.
• Relief: A natural reaction if there was prolonged suffering or tension.
• Numbness: Emotional detachment as a way your mind protects itself.
• Anxiety and fear: The loss may unsettle your sense of stability and safety.
• Loneliness: Feeling unmoored, even when surrounded by people.

You might feel some, all, or none of these emotions—and that’s completely okay. The key is to allow yourself to feel whatever arises, without criticism. Grief is unpredictable and rarely neat, so treat yourself with patience and compassion.

*Why grieving a parent can feel so complex*

The loss of a parent often runs deeper than you might anticipate—not only because of who they were, but also because of what they symbolized in your life. You’re mourning the person, but also the role they filled—or perhaps never fulfilled. For some, grief becomes intertwined with guilt, regret, or unresolved conflict. For others, it feels like losing a vital part of their life’s foundation. A parent is often a constant witness to your journey, and their absence can leave you feeling unanchored. The stage of life you’re in when the loss happens can also shape the experience. Navigating the death of a parent while raising children, managing work, or balancing other responsibilities can feel overwhelming. You may be expected to function as usual while arranging funerals, handling family matters, and processing your emotions. If your relationship was strained, or if you’ve already lost your other parent, the grief may be layered with confusion, guilt, and deep loneliness. Regardless of cultural expectations or that inner voice urging you to “move on,” grief for a parent has no time limit. It’s a complex, enduring process of coming to terms with what was, what was missing, and what will never be.

COPING WITH THE LOSS OF A PARENT: 12 WAYS TO CARE FOR YOURSELF

Losing a parent can feel like you’ve been thrust into a different world—one where life seems to move on for everyone else while you remain still, adjusting to a new reality. There’s no set roadmap for navigating this grief, but there are gentle ways to look after yourself as you move through it. Here are 12 suggestions to help you along your personal path of healing:

1. Allow your emotions without judgment

Sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, even relief—all of these feelings are natural and valid. You don’t have to explain them or apologize for them. Let them flow, knowing they will shift over time. When strong emotions arise, name them—“This is grief,” “This is loneliness.” Naming can sometimes take away part of the sting.

1. Don’t hurry the process

Grief is not linear. Even years later, you might have days when the pain feels fresh. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck—it means your love ran deep.

1. Find small rituals to remember your parent

Rituals can keep you connected. Play their favorite song, cook their signature dish, wear something that belonged to them, or light a candle next to their photo once a week. These simple acts can anchor their memory in your daily life.

1. Write to them

If you have unspoken words or simply miss their presence, writing can help. Share your day, your thoughts, or your grief in letters. Say the things you didn’t have the chance to say.

1. Make space for stories

Retelling memories keeps their presence alive. This can also help you work through complex emotions if your relationship was difficult. Keep a “memory journal” for quotes, habits, and moments that mattered.

1. Talk with someone who can truly listen

A therapist, grief group, spiritual advisor, or a compassionate friend can provide a safe place to share. Choose someone who won’t try to “fix” your grief, but will simply be with you in it.

1. Allow your body to grieve

Grief often shows up physically—through fatigue, restlessness, headaches, or a heavy feeling in your chest. Gentle movement can help release some of that tension. Try grounding yourself with slow walks, a few minutes of stretching each day, or simply lying still and taking deep breaths.

1. Give yourself breaks from grieving

It’s okay to laugh, enjoy a film, or get lost in a hobby. You don’t need to mourn every moment to prove your love. Small moments of joy can give your mind and body a rest, helping you find the strength to keep going.

1. Ask for practical support

You don’t have to carry everything alone. Let others make a meal, run an errand, or just sit with you. Create a short list of tasks you’re struggling with and share it with someone you trust—most people want to help but just need to know how.

1. Be mindful of grief triggers

Special dates like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries can stir emotions, but so can unexpected reminders like a song or a scent. Knowing what might bring up feelings can help you prepare. When a hard date is approaching, plan something intentional—visit a meaningful place or spend time with someone who understands.

1. Don’t diminish your loss

It’s easy to compare grief, but there’s no ranking system for pain. Your loss is valid, whether you had decades with your parent or only a few years. Grief isn’t about measuring—it’s about honoring what mattered to you.

1. Know it’s okay to miss them

You can still miss your parent years later, even if the relationship wasn’t perfect. You can miss them and still live a full, joyful life. Missing them simply means they were important—and they still are.

At *Giving Hope Counselling Services*, our experienced Counselling Psychologists /Marriage and Family Therapists, are here to walk alongside you through the difficult journey of grief. We provide a compassionate and supportive space where you can process your emotions, find healthy ways to cope, and gently rebuild your life after loss. With expert guidance and personalized care, we’ll help you navigate the pain, honor your loved one’s memory, and discover renewed strength and hope for the days ahead.

Call/WhatsApp us at *+254721240462/+254733932470* or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke to book a counselling session. Also read our more comprehensive articles on the blog in our website www.givinghope.co.ke.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

Court Annexed Mediator