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1. COMMON MARRIAGE PROBLEMS AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM

COMMON MARRIAGE PROBLEMS AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM

Marriage can provide significant benefits for overall well-being, life satisfaction, and the ability to manage stress (Harvard Health Publishing). However, no relationship is free from difficulties. Common marital challenges can create tension between partners, but how couples respond to these issues is a matter of choice. Dr. Elizabeth Scott, an author, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, relationships, and emotional wellbeing lists some of the most frequent causes of stress and conflict in marriage, along with strategies for effectively addressing them below:

Financial Challenges

Money-related disagreements are among the most frequent issues couples encounter in marriage. Nearly one in three partnered adults in the U.S. report financial conflict within their relationship. Common sources of financial tension include:

* Conflicts over how money is spent or invested

* Differing attitudes toward saving versus spending

* Lack of financial discussions prior to marriage

* One partner earning significantly more than the other

* One partner spending more freely than the other

Often, money arguments reflect deeper concerns, such as issues of control, mismatched values, or unmet emotional needs. Financial stress can also make one partner more irritable or impatient, leading to unrelated arguments without awareness of the underlying cause.

Working Toward a Solution

Start with an open, honest conversation about each partner’s expectations for spending and saving. The goal should be to find a compromise that works within your budget and leaves both of you feeling secure rather than limited. Consider sharing responsibilities—one partner might handle spending while the other manages savings for a month, then switch roles the next month. To make budgeting less of a burden, schedule regular “money dates” to review bills and plan ahead. Don’t forget to include regular date nights in your budget—keeping the fun in your relationship can help reduce the pressure during financial discussions.

Parenting Challenges

Welcoming children into the family can be deeply rewarding and bring a strong sense of purpose. However, it can also introduce new pressures that may strain a marriage. Common challenges couples face after becoming parents include:

* Reduced time and energy to invest in each other

* Limited personal time for rest and self-care

* Increased financial responsibilities

* Feelings of resentment if one parent feels overburdened with childcare

* Lack of external support from family or friends

How to Navigate the Challenges

Adjusting to parenthood—especially for first-time parents—can take time. Building a support system is essential. This could involve leaning on trusted family or friends, or hiring childcare help if finances allow. Take intentional time away from parenting duties, even for a few hours, to focus on your relationship as a couple. Reconnecting in this way helps keep your bond strong. While many parents focus heavily on their child’s happiness, it’s important to remember that the emotional climate between parents significantly impacts a child’s development—including their mental and emotional well-being. In essence, happier parents tend to raise happier, healthier children. Sharing household and parenting responsibilities is also key. Collaboratively create a schedule that ensures both partners are contributing fairly, so no one feels overwhelmed or unsupported.

Everyday Stress

Routine stress doesn’t have to cause marital conflict—but if not managed well, it often does. We all face daily frustrations like traffic jams, work pressure, or looming deadlines. In a marriage, these stressors can "spill over" into the relationship. For example, a partner might come home feeling overwhelmed and unintentionally take it out on the other through irritability or impatience. When one partner is under stress, they may have less emotional capacity to invest in the relationship. And when both partners are feeling worn down, the effects can compound, leading to tension and disconnection. You might notice your partner frequently vents about their day, leaving you feeling more stressed, or perhaps they shut down and become emotionally unavailable.

Creating a Healthy Response

Managing this dynamic starts with setting healthy boundaries. You could agree on a time limit—like 10 minutes—for venting, to prevent stress from dominating your time together. Or you might respect each other’s need for space and quiet after a difficult day. What’s most important is that each of you has personal strategies for managing stress, so you can show up as your best self in the relationship and support one another more effectively.

Hectic Lifestyles

Packed schedules can contribute to marital strain for several reasons:

* Constant busyness often leads to increased stress, especially when self-care like proper sleep and nutrition is neglected.

* Limited time together can cause emotional distance and reduce feelings of connection.

* Couples may struggle to function as a team, leading to conflicts over responsibilities at home and in social life.

While a busy schedule doesn't guarantee problems, it does pose challenges that require intentional effort to overcome.

Finding a Path Forward

Research suggests that spending quality time together strengthens relationships. Even simple activities—like watching a show or enjoying a meal out—can help partners feel more emotionally connected. Trying something new as a couple can also be powerful. According to psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, engaging in fresh experiences adds excitement and helps couples see each other in new, more positive ways, replacing repetitive patterns with renewed energy. Dr. Romanoff also recommends working out together. Physical activity boosts endorphins, which form positive emotional associations—not just with the activity, but with each other. Exercising side by side may reveal hidden strengths in your partner and foster deeper appreciation.

Breakdowns in Communication

One of the strongest indicators of trouble in a marriage is poor or harmful communication, which often reflects deeper issues in the relationship, such as unresolved conflicts, negative attitudes, or unhealthy dynamics.

Improving Communication

Want to strengthen the way you and your spouse communicate? Here are some practical strategies:

Engage in small talk: Simple questions like “How was your day?” or “How are you feeling?” can serve as daily check-ins that show care and interest in one another.

Express affection regularly: Learn and use each other’s love languages—whether that’s physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or quality time. Small gestures can go a long way in making your partner feel valued.

Try the speaker-listener technique: One person talks while the other listens without interrupting, then repeats what they heard to ensure clarity. This encourages active listening and reduces misunderstandings.

Use “I” statements: Focus on how you feel rather than placing blame. For example, saying “I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together” is likely to be received more openly than “You never make time for me.” This helps reduce defensiveness and fosters more constructive dialogue.

Destructive Patterns

Many marital issues stem from unhelpful habits that go unnoticed. If both partners become more aware of these behaviors and make a conscious effort to change, many conflicts could be avoided. Often, people don’t intentionally choose to argue over small things, criticize, or leave responsibilities to their spouse. These actions typically arise when stress takes over and individuals fall into default patterns without realizing it. Some common habits that can harm a relationship include:

Losing Yourself to Please Your Partner

While supportive encouragement—like quitting smoking or pursuing personal growth—is healthy, feeling pressured to become someone you’re not just to satisfy your partner is a red flag. Psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff emphasizes that meaningful change should result in a net positive outcome. In other words, any changes made should benefit both the relationship and the individuals involved. Changing who you are solely to keep your partner happy can lead to resentment or emotional burnout. Over time, this strain often surfaces in other areas of the relationship, causing further conflict and dissatisfaction.

Disrespect Toward Your Partner

It’s common for couples to fall into negative communication patterns like nagging, criticism, yelling, or even name-calling. If this is happening, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries around how you speak to one another and commit to treating each other with respect.

 

Losing Your Sense of Self

Marriage shouldn’t mean losing your individuality. It’s important to maintain your own identity—through hobbies, friendships, and personal routines. Doing things that bring you joy outside the relationship can actually enhance your connection as a couple. Dr. Sabrina Romanoff explains, “A bit of healthy distance can reignite your relationship. When you invest in your own passions and experiences, you bring renewed energy and interest back to your marriage.”

Misplacing Your Emotions

Using your partner as an emotional outlet—such as lashing out at them over unrelated frustrations—is a sign that emotional regulation needs attention. Instead, develop healthier ways to manage stress and avoid projecting your feelings onto your spouse.

Constantly Seeking Reassurance

It’s natural to want support from your partner, but if you're regularly seeking validation—whether about your worth, your appearance, or your performance at work—it may point to deeper insecurities that need to be addressed individually, not solely within the relationship.

Spying or Snooping

Trust is a foundation of any healthy marriage. If you find yourself checking your partner’s messages or emails, it may signal deeper trust issues. If infidelity or dishonesty is a concern, it’s better to have a direct, honest conversation—or seek professional guidance through therapy—rather than violate your partner’s privacy.

Conclusion

The good news is that many marital challenges can be improved—even if only one partner takes the initiative to make changes. Even small efforts can shift the relationship dynamic and lead to meaningful improvements. That said, some issues are more complicated. Serious concerns like substance abuse, broken trust, domestic violence, or emotional distance may require the guidance of a couple’s therapist or marriage counselor. A trained professional can support you and your partner in working through these difficulties, or help you determine whether the relationship should continue. Either way, therapy can offer valuable emotional support and clarity during challenging times.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

Dip. In Counselling (MFT), B. Com. MA in Counselling, PhD (MFT).