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1. IMPORTANCE OF LETTING GO OF THE PAST AND EMBRACING THE FUTURE

IMPORTANCE OF LETTING GO OF THE PAST AND EMBRACING THE FUTURE

It's natural for us to think about the past, as our experiences, both good and bad, shape who we are. However, these past events don't have to control our present or future. Freeing yourself from past traumas or regrets can be incredibly liberating. This process helps release you from guilt and fear, allowing you to embrace an exciting and fulfilling future. Letting go of the past is essential for emotional health and stronger relationships, even though it can be challenging. Therapist Nicholette Leanza notes that holding onto regrets and emotional baggage keeps us stuck and robs us of the ability to live fully in the present. Releasing these burdens brings freedom and renewed hope. While our brains are wired to focus on negative experiences—a survival mechanism from our ancestors—dwelling on them too much can harm our well-being. Learning from the past is helpful, but allowing past negativity to overshadow the present can reduce happiness and life satisfaction.

A Guide to Releasing the Past

Even though it can be emotionally difficult, learning to let go of painful feelings and experiences is a skill you can develop over time. Theresa Busardo, a therapist at Empower Your Mind Therapy, explains that "letting go" doesn't mean ignoring or suppressing your emotions, as they are valid responses to past pain. By learning to release this emotional suffering, you can become more present in your life instead of simply reacting out of habit.

Steps to Letting Go of the Past

Step 1: Embrace Acceptance

Acceptance is a powerful first step in releasing the past. It means moving beyond denial and resisting the urge to change what cannot be changed. It's about acknowledging the world, others, and yourself exactly as they are. As therapist Nicholette Leanza of LifeStance Health explains, this step goes hand-in-hand with the deliberate choice to let go. Releasing emotional baggage is a process that requires a conscious decision to move forward.

Step 2: Practice Forgiveness

Once you've achieved acceptance, forgiveness naturally follows. When you accept what you can't change, it becomes easier to make peace with the past. Leanza emphasizes that forgiveness isn't primarily for others; it's about freeing yourself from the emotional hold of hurt, pain, anger, and shame. She notes, "If I truly forgive someone who wronged me, I’m no longer held captive by the feelings of hurt and anger I have for that person." This step also involves self-compassion and forgiving yourself, which can be even more challenging, especially if you struggle with self-worth. However, research indicates that the effort to forgive yourself positively impacts your well-being, fostering positivity and reducing feelings of depression (Pierro, A., et al. (2018).

Step 3: Focus on the Present

Therapist Theresa Busardo suggests that mindfully focusing on the present can significantly increase happiness and give you more control over your thoughts and emotions. She recommends exploring the "Three States of Mind" from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This concept describes how our thoughts and behaviors are influenced by our emotional, reasonable, and wise minds. The "wise mind" is the ideal state for decision-making, where emotions and logic are balanced. Busardo notes that the more we practice mindfulness, the easier it becomes to access this "wise mind." Regular meditation and consciously bringing your thoughts back to the present when they start to spiral can help you stay grounded. Studies have even shown that mindfulness can prevent dwelling on negative thoughts.

Step 4: Embrace Change

Life is rarely a straight path; it's full of unexpected twists and turns. Our long-term well-being depends on our ability to adapt to these changes, even though our brains naturally prefer routine and familiarity, even negative ones. Busardo explains that "embracing the present through change allows us to dismantle what may have had us stuck in thoughts, behaviors, or patterns that no longer serve us, or keep us rooted in the past we cannot change." She advises being open to mistakes and trauma, and willing to shift your perspective and behaviors.

Step 5: Seek Support

There's immense benefit in leaning on others. This can involve many forms of support, from talking to a trusted friend to seeing a therapist or attending group support sessions. As Leanza emphasizes, "This step is so imperative because we are social creatures, and definitely need our village around us." Seeking support from others on your journey to let go is a crucial element for success.

More Tips for Emotional Healing

Consider the previous steps on letting go of the past as helpful markers on your healing journey. It's normal to move back and forth between them, but the main aim is to work toward acceptance, forgiveness, staying present, welcoming change, and seeking support when needed. Below are a few extra suggestions to support you in processing your past and rekindling excitement for both your present and future.

Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is about embracing reality exactly as it is, without trying to alter it. As Busardo explains, "Accepting a situation when the circumstances are out of our control can reduce the suffering we feel." This practice involves a non-judgmental approach to our experiences and a detachment from past pain, allowing us to move forward.

Remember Our Shared Complexity and Imperfection

When someone causes us pain, our immediate reaction might be to assume they acted with ill intent. However, by shifting our perspective to recognize that all humans are complex and imperfect, we can often lessen our own hurt. Leanza notes that viewing someone as a "suffering human" rather than a purely villainous figure fosters a kinder, more empathetic outlook, which aids in the process of forgiveness.

Draw Boundaries When Necessary

While accepting others' imperfections can lead to a more forgiving view, some situations demand that we establish firm boundaries to protect our emotional well-being. If someone consistently re-opens old wounds—causing us pain or draining our energy—it's a clear signal to be more intentional and self-protective in how we communicate or interact with them.

Use Daily Affirmations

Repeating a mantra daily can help reprogram your brain to release the past and focus on the future. Leanza shares some affirmations she uses with her patients: "I will no longer allow my anger about this control and define me"; "I have the strength to let go and I choose peace to radiate within me"; and "I embrace the present moment as the past no longer has to define me." Learning to let go of past wounds, regrets, and experiences is a crucial skill that requires practice. Even starting the process can bring significant benefits, such as reduced suffering and improved relationships. Over time, you'll become better at accepting the past and the world around you, finding greater forgiveness and peace, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life focused on the present and future.

At Giving Hope Counselling Services, our skilled therapists are here to help you move forward. We understand that dwelling on past hurts or regrets can hold you back, which is why our experts will guide you step-by-step to release those burdens. Learn how to focus on the present and build an exciting, fulfilling future, free from the weight of what's behind you. Let us help you unlock a new sense of hope and freedom.

Call/WhatsApp us at +254721240462/+254733932470 or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke and visit our blog on our website www.givinghope.co.ke for similar articles.

 

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

Court Annexed Mediator

Dip. In Counselling, B. Com, MA. (Counselling), PhD (on going).

 

References

Deyo M, et al, Mindfulness and rumination: Does mindfulness training lead to reductions in the ruminative thinking associated with depression? Explore (NY). 2009;5(5):265-71. doi: 10.1016/j.explore.2009.06.005

Pierro, A., et al,. (2018). “Letting myself go forward past wrongs”: How regulatory modes affect self-forgiveness. PLoS ONE, 13(3), e0193357. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0193357

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-8600268