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1. PHRASES ONE CAN USE TO DISARM A NARCISSIT

PHRASES ONE CAN USE TO DISARM A NARCISSIST

Dealing with a narcissist—whether a friend, relative, coworker, or neighbor—can be emotionally exhausting, often leaving you feeling confused, frustrated, angry, or even taken advantage of (Kazel et al., 2017). Research indicates that core narcissistic traits such as extreme self-focus and a lack of empathy frequently make it hard to have positive or fulfilling interactions with them (Zhang et al., 2022).

Sanjana Gupta, a health writer and editor, advises that when addressing a narcissist, it’s crucial to stay confident and assertive to avoid being manipulated or gaslighted. Using clear written communication, keeping your replies short, and firmly stating your boundaries can help reduce their control. However, if the narcissist displays abusive behavior, prioritize your safety and seek support right away instead of trying to handle the situation alone.

How to Effectively Respond to a Narcissist

Here are some practical strategies for managing interactions with a narcissist:

Maintain Your Composure

Narcissists often seek to trigger emotional responses to feel in control. They might lie, manipulate, or attack personally to get a reaction. Staying calm and composed, even when provoked, helps you keep your power and avoid playing into their hands.

Keep It Short and Simple

Licensed mental health counselor Alana Carvalho advises keeping your responses minimal and to the point. Providing too much information can lead to manipulation or prolonged arguments. The less you say, the less the narcissist can twist your words or use them against you. Brief replies also reduce the chance of being gaslighted or confused by their tactics.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Narcissists often have unreasonable expectations—whether about your performance, appearance, or behavior. Dr. Aimee Daramus (Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Chicago) suggests setting realistic boundaries based on what you’re comfortable with and writing them down. This helps you stay grounded and firm when they attempt to push or ignore limits.

Get Verbal Agreements in Writing

To guard against gaslighting and dishonesty, try to get important agreements in writing—whether through texts or emails. This provides a record you can refer back to when they deny or distort facts. Dr. Daramus recommends using phrases like:

• “Please text me the details so there’s no confusion.”


• “To avoid any miscommunication, could you email your expectations?”


• “Since I have limited availability, please email me a list of your top priorities.”

Don’t Blame Yourself for Their Behavior

Narcissists can react harshly or irrationally, even over minor issues. Dr. Daramus emphasizes that their reactions are not your fault. If you're starting to feel responsible, try comparing their behavior to how a reasonable person might respond. This helps you recognize just how disproportionate and unfair their actions really are.

10 Effective Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist

When caught in an argument or tense interaction with a narcissist, therapist Alana Carvalho recommends using specific phrases to defuse the situation and regain control. Here's how these statements can help you maintain your boundaries and protect your peace:

"That doesn’t work for me."

Narcissists often make decisions on your behalf. Calmly asserting that their choice doesn’t suit you reinforces your autonomy.

"I can understand how you feel, but I feel differently."

Rather than getting pulled into a debate about who's right, this phrase acknowledges their feelings while affirming your own perspective, helping you avoid unnecessary conflict.

"I don’t see myself that way."

Narcissists may try to undermine your self-worth. Standing firm in your self-image can protect you from internalizing their negative judgments.

"I remember it differently."

If they attempt to rewrite the past or make you question your memory, gently stating your version helps anchor you in reality and resist manipulation.

"I’ll only discuss this if you’re open to hearing my side."

Setting clear conditions for respectful dialogue helps prevent them from dominating or derailing the conversation.

"I’m not going to explain why this matters to me, but it does."

You don’t owe an explanation for your values or boundaries—refusing to over-explain avoids giving them more room to twist your reasoning.

"I’m not willing to talk about that."

If they bring up topics designed to provoke or hurt you, calmly but firmly refusing to engage can shut down their tactics.

"If you keep speaking to me like that, I’ll Walk away."

Calling out disrespect and stating your limits can help reclaim power in the conversation.

"I’m going to step away from this conversation."

Recognizing when it’s time to disengage is key. Taking a break can give you perspective and prevent escalation.

"Thank you for the invite, but I’m not available."

If you need to distance yourself, this polite but direct response communicates your boundaries without opening the door for further pressure.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

Court Accredited Mediator

 

References

Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB. (2017). Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness. Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875

Zhang S, Kim YK, Fingerman KL, Birditt KS, Charles ST. (2022). Narcissism, social experiences, and mood in late life. J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2022;77(8):1442-1453. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbac019

https://www.verywellmind.com/10-phrases-to-disarm-a-narcissist.