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1. SEX POSITIVITY IMPROVES YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

SEX POSITIVITY IMPROVES YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Sex can be a meaningful, joyful, and empowering aspect of life and personal expression. A sex-positive mindset embraces this open and accepting view of sexuality. It involves adopting a freeing and respectful approach to gender, body diversity, sexual orientation, and the many facets of human sexuality—without shame or judgment. Historically, societal norms shaped by religious influences often treated sex and sexuality as taboo subjects, cloaked in silence and embarrassment. Open discussions about sex were discouraged and viewed as inappropriate. This way of thinking contributed to a culture of stigma, reinforcing damaging stereotypes and narrow, outdated beliefs about an inherently natural and healthy part of being human.

What Does It Mean to Be Sex-Positive?

Being sex-positive involves cultivating a curious, accepting, and playful relationship with your body and sexuality. It means exploring your sexual self in a way that is both healthy and enjoyable, allowing you to better understand what brings you pleasure. According to Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, (sex and relationship expert and Associate Professor at California State University, Fullerton) key signs of a sex-positive outlook include:

* Embracing and respecting your own sexuality, autonomy, desires, and right to choose

* Avoiding judgment of others’ consensual sexual choices or behaviors

* Practicing safe sex through regular testing, open communication, consent, and using protection or contraception

* Maintaining a positive, open attitude toward your pleasure, kinks, body, and self-image

* Listening to others’ sexual experiences or perspectives with empathy and without criticism

* Clearly and compassionately communicating about sex and personal boundaries

* Supporting and affirming various sexual identities, behaviors, orientations, and gender expressions

* Advocating for inclusive sexual education and access to reproductive healthcare

* Supporting the rights, safety, and fair treatment of sex workers

* Honoring your own and your partner’s limits and boundaries

* Being honest with yourself and your partner about your needs, preferences, and freedom of choice

At its core, sex positivity is about respect, openness, and creating space for healthy, affirming sexual experiences—for yourself and others.

Can Someone Be Sex-Negative?

Yes, a sex-negative mindset exists and is rooted in the belief that sex is inherently wrong, harmful, or shameful. This perspective often limits sexual expression to heterosexual, married couples with the purpose of reproduction, ignoring the broader emotional and physical fulfillment that sex can offer. It overlooks the fact that sexuality is a natural part of being human and can foster joy, intimacy, connection, and self-discovery. According to Suwinyattichaiporn, many people hold sex-negative views not because they choose to, but because they’ve absorbed restrictive cultural or societal messages that paint sex as immoral or taboo. Connecting with your sexuality is a vital part of emotional and mental well-being. Viewing your sexual identity or behavior as something to be ashamed of can lead to emotional distress, suppression, anxiety, humiliation, and deteriorating mental health. Examples of sex-negative attitudes include:

* Feeling shame or guilt over sexual desires, thoughts, or activities

* Struggling with unhealthy views of sex, body image, or pornography

* Criticizing or shaming people for having consensual sex with one or more partners

* Believing that masturbation or ethical porn is immoral or dirty

* Treating heterosexuality as the only acceptable orientation and viewing the LGBTQIA+ community as deviant

* Making derogatory comments or jokes about queer identities (e.g., using “gay” as an insult)

* Supporting the criminalization and dehumanization of sex workers

* Refusing to accept diverse expressions of gender or sexual identity, such as pronoun usage or clothing choices

* Responding to sexual assault victims with blame or judgment (e.g., “They were asking for it” or “What did they expect wearing that?”

Sex negativity not only harms individuals but also upholds damaging systems of shame and exclusion. Promoting understanding, compassion, and respect around sexuality is essential for creating a healthier, more inclusive society. According to Suwinyattichaiporn, recent research continues to reveal that maintaining a positive outlook on sexuality is linked to greater sexual satisfaction. This satisfaction contributes to a range of social, emotional, physical, and mental health benefits. She also notes that embracing a sex-positive mindset offers additional advantages, such as reduced sexual anxiety, enhanced sexual functioning, and increased sexual self-esteem—all of which can lead to a boost in overall confidence.

 

How to Embrace a More Sex-Positive Mindset

 

There are many practical ways to cultivate a sex-positive outlook. Whether you’re new to the concept or looking to deepen your existing perspective, here are some strategies for integrating sex positivity into your daily life:

 

Engage in Open Conversations About Sex

It may seem straightforward, but Suwinyattichaiporn emphasizes that having honest, healthy discussions about sex is one of the most impactful steps toward being sex positive. Clinical research shows that many couples experience sexual dissatisfaction due to a lack of open communication about their desires and needs. While these conversations can feel uncomfortable at first, creating a safe environment to discuss your sexual preferences with your partner is key. Not only does this encourage mutual understanding, but it also helps strengthen trust and intimacy in the relationship.

 

Try Sexual Affirmations and Meditation

Sexual affirmations are a form of meditation that centers on cultivating positive thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations related to sexuality, explains Suwinyattichaiporn. Research indicates that practicing self-affirmation can help reduce feelings of body shame and promote a more positive mindset and greater body appreciation. To foster a more compassionate and affirming view of yourself, Suwinyattichaiporn recommends repeating empowering statements like:

* I love and appreciate my body

* I am worthy of experiencing pleasure

* I’m a confident and attentive sexual partner

* I am a radiant and sexual being

* I honor and welcome my sexual desires

* I am thankful for my body and all it does

Incorporating these affirmations into your routine can help nurture a healthier, more confident relationship with your sexuality.

Be a Trusted, Sex-Positive Resource

Just as friends often turn to one another for support with life challenges, they also seek guidance when it comes to sexual health—and those conversations matter. A 2018 study found that when peers share empowering and accurate information about sex, it can boost sexual confidence and self-esteem. However, if the information shared is incorrect or misleading, it can contribute to unhealthy or risky sexual behaviors. Suwinyattichaiporn emphasizes the importance of becoming well-informed and fostering a sex-positive mindset within your circle of friends and family. By doing so, you can help promote healthier attitudes toward sexuality and contribute to the broader sex-positive movement.

Reconnect With Your Sexuality

As children, many people were taught inaccurate or vague terms for their genitals—words like “private parts” or nicknames instead of anatomical terms like “penis” or “vagina.” (Scolnik et al., 2003). This kind of language can unintentionally send the message that sex and bodies are shameful topics. To shift away from that mindset, take time to learn about your own anatomy and explore what brings you pleasure. This may be a great opportunity to experiment with masturbation or try sex toys. Practicing how to express what you enjoy—especially out loud during solo exploration—can also make it easier to communicate your needs with a partner later on.

Reflect on Your Views About Sex

Suwinyattichaiporn encourages taking time for honest self-reflection to examine your personal beliefs and attitudes about sex. This process can help uncover and challenge any outdated or harmful ideas—especially stereotypes or assumptions that may prevent you from embracing sex as a natural and universal human experience. To begin this deeper self-assessment, consider asking yourself the following questions:

* Do I view sex as something healthy and enjoyable?

* Am I comfortable with the idea that others may experience or express sexuality differently than I do?

* Do I believe that fulfilling sexual relationships can look different for everyone?

* Can I talk about sex openly, without discomfort or judgment?

* Do I think everyone deserves access to inclusive, comprehensive sex education?

 

Reflecting on these questions can help you better understand your current mindset and move toward a more sex-positive perspective.

Maintaining a sense of curiosity about how to enhance your understanding of sexual health, desire, consent, and communication is essential. Suwinyattichaiporn recommends expanding your knowledge by tuning into sex-positive podcasts, following reputable sex educators on social media, and participating in audio chatrooms focused on sex positivity. These resources can help you learn, grow, and engage in meaningful conversations with others.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

 

References

Scolnik D, Atkinson V, Hadi M, Caulfeild J, Young NL. (2003). Words used by children and their primary caregivers for private body parts and functions. CMAJ. ;169(12):1275-1279.