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- By PETER MUGI KURUGA
4 days ago
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Parental Counselling
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1. TEACHING CHILDREN HEALTHY COPING SKILLS FOR DIFFICULT EMOTIONS
TEACHING CHILDREN HEALTHY COPING SKILLS FOR DIFFICULT EMOTIONS
Children go through a wide range of emotions, much like adults. They may feel bored, anxious, sad, disappointed, embarrassed, or afraid—just to mention a few. Although it’s normal to experience different emotions throughout the day, many people aren’t taught how to handle or process them effectively. Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and bestselling author of books on parenting and mental health say, it’s especially crucial for children to develop the ability to manage their emotions in a healthy way. Teaching them coping strategies can empower them to face their fears, soothe themselves, and lift their mood when needed. This discussion explores two main types of coping mechanisms: emotion-focused and problem-focused coping. You’ll discover which approaches are most effective for children and how to guide them in learning strategies that suit their individual needs.
Why Are Coping Skills Important?
Amy Morin goes on to say that, when children don’t have healthy ways to deal with their emotions, they may act out, expressing their internal distress by behaving in disruptive or inappropriate ways. As they grow older, these children might also turn to harmful habits—like using food or substances—to manage how they feel. Teenagers who haven’t developed proper coping strategies may try to escape problems through avoidance. For instance, rather than tackling challenging homework, they may choose to hang out with friends instead, avoiding the issue entirely.
Avoidance Coping
Avoidance coping is when children avoid tasks or situations that cause them stress. While it might offer temporary relief, this behavior usually backfires. For example, skipping homework leads to poor grades, which then increases stress and makes avoidance even more likely. Over time, this can cause kids to fall behind in school and worsen their emotional challenges.
The Impact of Coping Skills
According to research in Addictive Behaviors, teens who often use avoidance to handle stress are more prone to using marijuana. Similarly, teens who lack problem-solving abilities tend to have higher rates of substance use over their lifetime. This shows how not having coping strategies can lead to unhealthy behaviors (Lee-Winn et al., 2018). In contrast, children who learn effective coping skills early in life often reap long-term benefits. A study in the American Journal of Public Health found that children who could manage their emotions by age five were more likely to succeed academically and maintain steady jobs as adults. They were also less likely to struggle with mental health issues or engage in criminal behavior. Teaching children healthy coping strategies helps them manage their emotions and reduces the risk of turning to harmful behaviors like drugs or escapism (Jones, et al., 2015).
Types of Coping Strategies
There are two main categories of coping skills: emotion-focused and problem-focused. Both types are essential for helping children navigate life’s challenges.
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Emotion-focused strategies help kids feel better when they can’t change the problem—such as coping with disappointment or loss. These techniques strengthen emotional resilience. On the other hand, problem-focused strategies encourage kids to take constructive steps when they can influence the outcome—like addressing peer conflicts or academic challenges.
Emotion-Focused Coping Skills
These skills help kids name and manage their emotions. They offer healthy ways to release tension and shift attention until they feel more in control. Here are some effective techniques:
- Label Feelings
Teach kids to name their emotions. Saying “I’m sad” or “I’m angry” can lessen the intensity of those feelings. Use books, emotion charts, or everyday conversations to expand their emotional vocabulary.
- Practice Breathing Techniques
Simple breathing exercises can help children calm both their minds and bodies. One effective method is teaching them to take “bubble breaths”—have them inhale deeply through their nose and then exhale slowly through their mouth, as if blowing a bubble with a wand. Another fun approach is called “smelling the pizza.” Encourage your child to take a deep breath in through their nose as if they’re smelling a delicious slice of pizza, then exhale through their mouth like they’re cooling it down. Repeating this a few times can help them feel more relaxed and in control.
- **Get Moving with Physical Activity**
Exercise is an effective way for children to release nervous energy and lift their spirits when they’re feeling low. Activities that build strength, such as weightlifting, and aerobic exercises like running or cycling, can help them manage their emotions in a healthy way. Encourage your child to engage in physical activity whenever they’re dealing with tough feelings or situations. Over time, turning to movement—like taking a walk or going for a jog—can become a positive coping habit that supports their emotional well-being.
- Express Through Art
If your child finds joy in activities like watercolor painting, coloring, doodling, clay modeling, or making collages, then engaging in art can be a great way for them to cope with emotions. Keep a variety of art materials readily available so they can easily access them when needed. Over time, your child may naturally turn to creative expression as a healthy outlet for managing tough feelings.
- Read a Book
Reading can be a helpful short-term distraction, especially for children who enjoy immersing themselves in stories. After finishing a book, kids often feel more relaxed and refreshed, making it easier for them to face challenges with a clearer mindset.
- Play a Game
When children are stuck thinking about something upsetting that happened at school or worrying about something coming up, it helps to shift their focus with a distraction. Engaging in an activity—like playing a board game or kicking a ball around—can help redirect their thoughts. This mental break allows them to move away from negative thinking and focus on something more positive.
- Try Yoga
Yoga offers a range of benefits for both the body and mind. Research published in *Body Image* showed that just four weeks of practicing yoga led to improved mood and body image in children (Halliwell et al., 2018). Whether you sign your child up for a yoga class or follow along with videos together at home, introducing them to yoga can become a valuable lifelong tool. When your child needs to unwind or lift their spirits, you can encourage them to revisit some of their favorite yoga poses.
- Use Music
Whether your kids enjoy creating their own music (like a playful sibling rap battle) or prefer listening to soothing tunes, music can have a powerful impact on both their mind and body. It’s often used in treatment programs for physical health, mental well-being, and even substance use recovery. Music has been shown to promote healing, ease anxiety, and lift depression, all while encouraging creativity and self-expression.
- Watch Something Funny
Laughter offers a healthy mental break from worries. Watching a silly animal clip, a funny cartoon, or a humorous family video can quickly lift a child’s mood. For an added boost, encourage your kids to make their own funny videos—it’s a fun and creative way to help them feel better.
- Practice Positive Self-Talk
Teach kids to be kind to themselves. When kids are feeling upset, their inner dialogue often turns negative. They might think things like, “I’ll make a fool of myself,” or “No one is going to talk to me.” Help your child develop positive self-talk by asking, “What would you say to a friend in this situation?” They’ll likely respond with comforting and encouraging words. Remind them to use that same kindness when speaking to themselves.
- Use Mood Boosters
Help your children create a list of activities they enjoy when they’re feeling happy—like dancing, singing, playing ball, or telling jokes. These are their personal mood boosters. When they’re feeling low, gently encourage them to pick something from that list. Even if they’re not in the mood at first, engaging in a fun activity can lift their spirits and improve their mood.
- Make a Calm-Down Kit
Put together a shoebox filled with sensory items your child finds comforting—such as a stress ball to squeeze, a pleasant-smelling lotion, or a photo that brings them joy. Let your child help choose what to include. When they’re feeling anxious, upset, or overwhelmed, remind them to use their calm-down kit to help soothe themselves.
Problem-Focused Coping Skills
At times, a child’s distress may be a sign that something in their environment needs to be adjusted. For instance, if they’re feeling overwhelmed in an advanced class, switching back to a regular class might be the best option. Or if they’re being bullied on the bus, it may be necessary to involve the bus driver or school staff to address the issue. You can support your child by asking, “Do you think you need to change the situation or how you’re feeling about it?” This helps them learn to identify their choices. Problem-focused coping strategies aim to address and reduce the source of stress directly.
- Ask for Help
When your child is struggling with something, ask, “Who could help you with this?” Help kids recognize that there are likely multiple people who could assist them. For instance, a homework issue might be resolved by calling a friend. Or, it might be helpful to talk to the teacher the following day. See if your child can name at least a few people who could help. Kids who know that it's OK to ask for help will feel empowered. It's a life skill that they will use for the rest of their lives.
- Problem-Solve Together
There are often several ways to handle a problem, but kids may feel stuck and unsure of what steps to take. When your child is facing a challenge, take time to sit down and work through it together. Come up with four or five possible solutions and write them out. Then, help your child choose one to try. With practice, they’ll become more confident in handling problems on their own. Building strong problem-solving skills will benefit them well into the future.
- Make a Pros and Cons List
When children are having a hard time making a choice, guide them in creating a pros and cons list. Write down the advantages and disadvantages of each option and go over the list together. Having everything laid out visually can help them make a clearer, more thoughtful decision. Learning how to evaluate their options is a valuable skill that will benefit them, especially when facing tough or moral decisions later in life.
Tips for Teaching Coping Skills
In the long run, your children should be able to manage discomfort independently by using coping strategies in a healthy way, even when you're not around to support them. As they develop these skills, take advantage of everyday moments to discuss and reinforce different techniques. Here below are some additional tips:
- Gently Guide Your Child
Offer prompts like, “You seem frustrated—what do you think would help you calm down right now?” This helps children begin to recognize and choose coping strategies that work for them when facing tough emotions or situations.
- Let Them Experience Emotions
Let your child know it’s okay to feel upset—whether it’s anger, sadness, or fear. These emotions are a natural part of processing experiences. However, if those feelings start affecting their daily functioning, it’s important to encourage the use of coping tools to help them move forward.
- Acknowledge Their Efforts
When you see your child using a coping skill, give them praise. Letting them know you noticed their effort reinforces the value of practicing those strategies.
- Talk About What Works
Help your child identify which techniques are most effective for them. Ask questions like, “Did drawing help you feel calmer?” This encourages them to become more self-aware about what soothes or supports them when they’re struggling.
- Watch for Avoidance
Keep an eye on whether a coping tool is being overused as a way to escape rather than cope—especially with screen time. Help your child distinguish between healthy coping and avoidance behavior.
- Use Mistakes as Lessons
If your child reacts poorly—like yelling or quitting—use the moment to talk about better strategies for next time. Developing coping skills is a gradual process. What works for one child may not work for another, so allow them to experiment and find their best fit.
- Support Their Growth
Learning effective coping strategies takes time and patience. Some techniques will resonate more than others, and that’s okay. Rather than trying to fit them into a one-size-fits-all approach, empower your child to discover and use the strategies that suit them best.
If you’re concerned that your child or teen is being overwhelmed by stress or struggling to handle challenging situations, don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare provider or the school counselor. These professionals can provide helpful guidance and, if necessary, connect you with a mental health specialist for additional support.
Halliwell, E., Jarman, H., Tylka, T. L., & Slater, A. (2018). Evaluating the impact of a brief yoga intervention on preadolescents’ body image and mood. Body image, 27, 196-201.
Jones, D. E., Greenberg, M., & Crowley, M. (2015). Early social-emotional functioning and public health: The relationship between kindergarten social competence and future wellness. American journal of public health, 105(11), 2283-2290.
Lee-Winn, A. E., Mendelson, T., & Johnson, R. M. (2018). Associations between coping and marijuana use in a nationally representative sample of adolescents in the United States. Addictive behaviors, 80, 130-134.